there will just be these few times when you just get so overwhelmed by all emotions and you just don't know what to do.
do you ever get that feeling where you come to a point when nobody actually understands you?
that nobody actually is actually able to relate to you?
sometimes i just feel like i try so hard sometimes just to make certain things better.
i honestly don't expect anything in return....
but can't you just show some gratitude? even if it was just a simple "thank you", it'll still make my day.
i really don't get how insensitive some people can be.
everyone are humans, humans have feelings.
no matter how strong one appears to be on the outside, there's still this feeling inside of you.
conversations are meant to be something that you give & take.
but really?.... nothing?.....
problems... i don't really like sharing my problems.
people already have their own problems, why bother telling them your problems which affect you just so that you can be happier?
i don't want to add on to people's burdens.
i'm not selfish.
but sometimes you just get to a point where you just reach the apex & you just don't know what to do.
many of you will just be going like "why are you so dumb? just tell others your problems?"
but i just choose not to, because i'd rather listen to people's problems & be their listening ear, giving them support whenever they fall down.
i'm that kind of person.
but seriously? i really really think that you can't even feel.
i really really don't get it.
but i suppose when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
this is life.
however, only light drives out darkness.
29/11/2014
"all good things come to an end", they said.
9 months 15 days.
everything feels so surreal now because well, it's over.
everything ended in just a flash.
it's crazy & scary how someone that means so much to you can actually turn from someone you're just so in love with to someone you won't talk to as often anymore.... needless to say hang out?
i'm madly crazy in love with you.
but.... things just don't work out...
you tried. i tried. we tried.
we love each other that much...
unfortunately things just don't go the way we want it to...
i just wanted to say that although we're not together anymore, i really want you to do what's best for you in life.
don't ever fall into such footsteps anymore.
forget about me.
i'm sure you'll find someone much better than me out there.
we both didn't want this to happen.
but somehow... it just did.
i'm still pretty speechless on how our relationship ended.
but i still love you.
xx
9 months 15 days.
everything feels so surreal now because well, it's over.
everything ended in just a flash.
it's crazy & scary how someone that means so much to you can actually turn from someone you're just so in love with to someone you won't talk to as often anymore.... needless to say hang out?
i'm madly crazy in love with you.
but.... things just don't work out...
you tried. i tried. we tried.
we love each other that much...
unfortunately things just don't go the way we want it to...
i just wanted to say that although we're not together anymore, i really want you to do what's best for you in life.
don't ever fall into such footsteps anymore.
forget about me.
i'm sure you'll find someone much better than me out there.
we both didn't want this to happen.
but somehow... it just did.
i'm still pretty speechless on how our relationship ended.
but i still love you.
xx
24/07/2014
18/06/2014
i like being alone sometimes.
it makes me stop and think,
i often wonder what's wrong between us.
why are we so different yet we are still so close?
why am i always the one giving in?
why do i always forgive and forget?
why why why.
why can't i just let it go?
i don't know what's on your mind sometimes.
i don't know how we actually communicate.
i don't know how to start a proper conversation with you.
i like being alone sometimes.
it's pretty noisy at home.
i don't know how, or what to feel at home.
loud banging of the doors.
screams and shouts,
it's never peaceful for a day.
seeing both,
it really hurts.
it does.
and as for you,
i hope that there won't be anymore hatred.
all i want is a peaceful family.
nothing more.
i like being alone sometimes.
i miss those days,
where everything was so carefree.
i had zero problems,
and all i did was to play all day.
i didn't have to bother about anything,
not even family nor friends.
i wish i could rewind back in time,
to where i really was.
i loved it.
i hope it would be that way.
but,
i just give up on hope.
it makes me stop and think,
i often wonder what's wrong between us.
why are we so different yet we are still so close?
why am i always the one giving in?
why do i always forgive and forget?
why why why.
why can't i just let it go?
i don't know what's on your mind sometimes.
i don't know how we actually communicate.
i don't know how to start a proper conversation with you.
i like being alone sometimes.
it's pretty noisy at home.
i don't know how, or what to feel at home.
loud banging of the doors.
screams and shouts,
it's never peaceful for a day.
seeing both,
it really hurts.
it does.
and as for you,
i hope that there won't be anymore hatred.
all i want is a peaceful family.
nothing more.
i like being alone sometimes.
i miss those days,
where everything was so carefree.
i had zero problems,
and all i did was to play all day.
i didn't have to bother about anything,
not even family nor friends.
i wish i could rewind back in time,
to where i really was.
i loved it.
i hope it would be that way.
but,
i just give up on hope.
23/02/2014
ten.
tenth day today of being together with my girl and so far everything has been going fine wheeeeee.
thursday was e-learning day for the upper sec & sec 4/5s had to go back to school for the interview workshop. was quite boring initially but towards the end everything was quite ok! got scolded by mr choy tho, super annoying. cause each group had to send a representative up for this "mock interview" so i lost to wesley & jie jun in rock paper scissors and i was to go up. so ok everyone who knows me well knows that i would always laugh la because idk why i'm just like that ok, i laugh at almost everything because i consider myself as a happy-go-lucky person? so yeah i kept laughing throughout the thing because wenqi was giving weird faces and all the commotion going on was pretty exciting so i kept laughing. so after my turn mr choy interrupted the instructor, and he started pin-pointing at me like wtheck??? he said like during a real interview i would lose that job because i kept laughing and all. but i mean seriously, who would laugh in an actual interview? i have my friends around me and people know that i can't control my laughter so why can't you understand? you didn't have to just aim at me right. and you said you weren't directing at us (us being jj wesley & i because we were noisy during timothy's turn) but obviously the whole class knows that you were directing at us la please. want to direct at us just say we already know you are, don't have to put words nicely. but yeah that part of the workshop was the worst.
had lunch with baoshin, derek, joseph, & wesley @ kfc and tried their new rice bucket which was really good! didn't expect the whole portion to be so big and it's super filling! went to kelly's house after that with grace, siyun & yanlin! was supposed to be studying but yeah i already predicted that we won't and we really didn't hahaha. spent the whole time there playing with kiki! (kelly's dog) & talking hahaha. then we went down to her house's playground which was super cool and also dangerous because the playground was super high and the obstacles were really dangerous for kids! it's like almost 2++ stories high can you imagine if you fell from that height. and many many photos! kiki met another random dog which was super cute too and wow that dog started kissing kiki??? it's the most heart-warming thing ever oh myyyyyyy.
so we hung out around the playground till 8+ and we gossiped and talked and it was so much fun!
friday was official e-learning for us and rachel came over to my house! so i went to pick her up @ 9 and we went to ntuc to get ingredients because i was chef peh for lunch man :-) so yeah obviously i didn't do any work and she had her higher Chinese debating forum thing going on and wow she's so fierce wtf hahaha. so i went to cook carbonara for lunch & of course it's yummy la. (she said so too guys guys guys) and i finally started my e-learning after lunch lol because i'm a lazy boy. i completed geog, poa, chem & math on that day! so she went home @ around 6++ :( got her to go to jiejun's house but she said she was going home oh well.
so i went to jie jun's house that night with junyu, siyun & grace. been a year + since i last went to jiejun's house and the view is still as amazing as last time! he lives @ the pinnacle so the view there is extremely gorgeous. talked with them as well & it was pretty fun too! got home at around 12.
saturday was boring because i was lazing around and procrastinated if i should complete my e-learning homework and i started @ around 5 pm on that day hahaha half the day was wasted. it was also a sad day because we had our first ever quarrel but it's fine now guys no worries. they always say couples quarrel because they care for each other whoohoo. it made me treasure her even more now teehee.
today is a great day! was supposed to go to nooks for lunch but ite we went to imm instead because i had no appetite and she was craving for korean food! bought my bag @ imm as well and i was in a dilemma and we stood there for close to 30 mins because i couldn't decide on whether i should get the blue bag or the green one. but i got the green one in the end because green is my favourite colour yay. so we took the shuttle bus to jcube and we went to the library to find space to study. the library was freaking crowded and then we decided to go to jcube's starbucks to study. and yeah no space again and that leaves us to west gate's and jem's starbucks. but guess what, they are all full too. so we had no choice but to go to jem's macs hahaha. did some work there and we went to gelato to get her ice cream ice cream ice cream. then we walked around and went to jcube to get my tako balls and the polaroid film machine to get her film. the machine cheated her money hahahha i'm sorry i thought that change would be given but the 10 cents change didn't come out i'm sorry babe hahahha. then we went to lepak and then she went off to have dinner with her mum!
so these 4 days were great and i'm looking forward to more dates with her! xx.
thursday was e-learning day for the upper sec & sec 4/5s had to go back to school for the interview workshop. was quite boring initially but towards the end everything was quite ok! got scolded by mr choy tho, super annoying. cause each group had to send a representative up for this "mock interview" so i lost to wesley & jie jun in rock paper scissors and i was to go up. so ok everyone who knows me well knows that i would always laugh la because idk why i'm just like that ok, i laugh at almost everything because i consider myself as a happy-go-lucky person? so yeah i kept laughing throughout the thing because wenqi was giving weird faces and all the commotion going on was pretty exciting so i kept laughing. so after my turn mr choy interrupted the instructor, and he started pin-pointing at me like wtheck??? he said like during a real interview i would lose that job because i kept laughing and all. but i mean seriously, who would laugh in an actual interview? i have my friends around me and people know that i can't control my laughter so why can't you understand? you didn't have to just aim at me right. and you said you weren't directing at us (us being jj wesley & i because we were noisy during timothy's turn) but obviously the whole class knows that you were directing at us la please. want to direct at us just say we already know you are, don't have to put words nicely. but yeah that part of the workshop was the worst.
had lunch with baoshin, derek, joseph, & wesley @ kfc and tried their new rice bucket which was really good! didn't expect the whole portion to be so big and it's super filling! went to kelly's house after that with grace, siyun & yanlin! was supposed to be studying but yeah i already predicted that we won't and we really didn't hahaha. spent the whole time there playing with kiki! (kelly's dog) & talking hahaha. then we went down to her house's playground which was super cool and also dangerous because the playground was super high and the obstacles were really dangerous for kids! it's like almost 2++ stories high can you imagine if you fell from that height. and many many photos! kiki met another random dog which was super cute too and wow that dog started kissing kiki??? it's the most heart-warming thing ever oh myyyyyyy.
 |
| kiki's the white one |
so we hung out around the playground till 8+ and we gossiped and talked and it was so much fun!
friday was official e-learning for us and rachel came over to my house! so i went to pick her up @ 9 and we went to ntuc to get ingredients because i was chef peh for lunch man :-) so yeah obviously i didn't do any work and she had her higher Chinese debating forum thing going on and wow she's so fierce wtf hahaha. so i went to cook carbonara for lunch & of course it's yummy la. (she said so too guys guys guys) and i finally started my e-learning after lunch lol because i'm a lazy boy. i completed geog, poa, chem & math on that day! so she went home @ around 6++ :( got her to go to jiejun's house but she said she was going home oh well.
saturday was boring because i was lazing around and procrastinated if i should complete my e-learning homework and i started @ around 5 pm on that day hahaha half the day was wasted. it was also a sad day because we had our first ever quarrel but it's fine now guys no worries. they always say couples quarrel because they care for each other whoohoo. it made me treasure her even more now teehee.
today is a great day! was supposed to go to nooks for lunch but ite we went to imm instead because i had no appetite and she was craving for korean food! bought my bag @ imm as well and i was in a dilemma and we stood there for close to 30 mins because i couldn't decide on whether i should get the blue bag or the green one. but i got the green one in the end because green is my favourite colour yay. so we took the shuttle bus to jcube and we went to the library to find space to study. the library was freaking crowded and then we decided to go to jcube's starbucks to study. and yeah no space again and that leaves us to west gate's and jem's starbucks. but guess what, they are all full too. so we had no choice but to go to jem's macs hahaha. did some work there and we went to gelato to get her ice cream ice cream ice cream. then we walked around and went to jcube to get my tako balls and the polaroid film machine to get her film. the machine cheated her money hahahha i'm sorry i thought that change would be given but the 10 cents change didn't come out i'm sorry babe hahahha. then we went to lepak and then she went off to have dinner with her mum!
so these 4 days were great and i'm looking forward to more dates with her! xx.
16/02/2014
she said yes.
friday was valentines day and it was the day i was looking forward to. i had the thought of confessing to her, since 2 weeks ago and i thought really hard about how i'm gonna make this confession special. without the support of my friends, i really think i wouldn't have the courage to actually go upfront to tell her about how i felt toward her, and she would have never said yes.
so the friday went like this...........................................................................
i baked honey cornflakes on thursday night @ around 9 and it took me 2 hours to complete the whole thing & it was really tiring. i figured out that i had to get something for her. however, the crazy part is that she didn't like chocolates, and i was at my wits end.... i had 0 idea on what to get for her, and so i decided to bake honey cornflakes because few weeks back i baked it & people said it was nice! and also baking comes from the heart so..... it shows my sincerity as well. i also had baoshin to help me buy a rose because i didn't know which florist to go to, and he helped me bring it on friday.
friday started off well because i had some of my friends wishing me good luck & all. math was spent talking mostly to isabella because i started freaking out already. she then helped me with a pun lol it's super retarded. she said since i baked cornflakes, why not tell her "i have a cornfession to make" i didn't laugh cause i thought it was pretty lame. but after thinking for awhile, i thought, why not? ;)
classes on that day passed by really quickly and i was starting to get really really scared. i had all those thoughts running through my mind like :
what if she doesn't like me at all?
what if she rejects me?
what should i do if she rejects me?
what should i do if she accepts me?
will we still remain as friends?
i had cca that afternoon & it ended quite early. i saw gareth asking yanlin out for valentines dinner but he got rejected haha & i went to join them afterwards. so yanlin saw the rose and she asked who was i confessing to etc & i told her how afraid i am and all. her band ended at like 6+ and i started to panic even more when she got released. i had elephants in my tummy & i had a sudden tummyache. we arranged to meet at the study corner & her friends were there.
she then came down with her band friends and then we took some polaroids there.
her friends were teasing us while we were taking the photos & i felt my face getting as red as a period stain lol and i couldnt stop smiling :))))))))))
so soon we went off for our dinner. and on the way down to the foyer, i popped the question up.
me: -passes her a container with the cornflake with a note inside saying "hi, i have a cornfession to make"-
her: what confession?
me: -passes her the rose- will you be my girlfriend?
her: ermmmmm let's be friends? & her cell phone rings....... and she goes talking
me: *shit its over arghhhhhh sad x1902389023849073578932787*
me: so where are we going for dinner? fast food or?
her: yes
me: yes what?
her: to your cornfession
me: really???????
her: :)
me: :'DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
YAY AND THAT'S WHERE OUR JOURNEY STARTED YESSSSSAAAAAAAA.
so we proceeded to bk for dinner & alot of people saw us together. had a good dinner & sent her to the mrt.
i never felt such a desire to be with anyone before. i really think this is what love is. when she replies your messages late, you'll feel sad. i can't see any flaws in her. i'm trying to find something but i really can't! talking to her makes me smile like a silly retard. i'm so happy i found her. i'm also happy she's proud to show her friends off to me. more importantly, i'm really lucky to have found someone having a mutual feeling, & the possibility of that is like 1/693234862
saturday was spent having our first date! caught endless love @ jcube. saw biyu, gerald & marcus too haha. roamed around the 3 shopping malls because the movie ended quite early & she had to go off for a project @ the lib. decided to head to the lib with her and it was okayyyyyyyyyy because i didn't know peiyi and aileen that well so hahhaa.
i had to go off shortly because i had to go to my nephew's birthday party and so i left!
it was a good 2 days so far!
have to complete my homework today and she's having tuition now & i can't get my itunes stuff done wtf there's something wrong!
but yay i feel like the luckiest boy on earth! :)))
x.
so the friday went like this...........................................................................
i baked honey cornflakes on thursday night @ around 9 and it took me 2 hours to complete the whole thing & it was really tiring. i figured out that i had to get something for her. however, the crazy part is that she didn't like chocolates, and i was at my wits end.... i had 0 idea on what to get for her, and so i decided to bake honey cornflakes because few weeks back i baked it & people said it was nice! and also baking comes from the heart so..... it shows my sincerity as well. i also had baoshin to help me buy a rose because i didn't know which florist to go to, and he helped me bring it on friday.
friday started off well because i had some of my friends wishing me good luck & all. math was spent talking mostly to isabella because i started freaking out already. she then helped me with a pun lol it's super retarded. she said since i baked cornflakes, why not tell her "i have a cornfession to make" i didn't laugh cause i thought it was pretty lame. but after thinking for awhile, i thought, why not? ;)
classes on that day passed by really quickly and i was starting to get really really scared. i had all those thoughts running through my mind like :
what if she doesn't like me at all?
what if she rejects me?
what should i do if she rejects me?
what should i do if she accepts me?
will we still remain as friends?
i had cca that afternoon & it ended quite early. i saw gareth asking yanlin out for valentines dinner but he got rejected haha & i went to join them afterwards. so yanlin saw the rose and she asked who was i confessing to etc & i told her how afraid i am and all. her band ended at like 6+ and i started to panic even more when she got released. i had elephants in my tummy & i had a sudden tummyache. we arranged to meet at the study corner & her friends were there.
she then came down with her band friends and then we took some polaroids there.
so soon we went off for our dinner. and on the way down to the foyer, i popped the question up.
me: -passes her a container with the cornflake with a note inside saying "hi, i have a cornfession to make"-
her: what confession?
me: -passes her the rose- will you be my girlfriend?
her: ermmmmm let's be friends? & her cell phone rings....... and she goes talking
me: *shit its over arghhhhhh sad x1902389023849073578932787*
me: so where are we going for dinner? fast food or?
her: yes
me: yes what?
her: to your cornfession
me: really???????
her: :)
me: :'DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
YAY AND THAT'S WHERE OUR JOURNEY STARTED YESSSSSAAAAAAAA.
so we proceeded to bk for dinner & alot of people saw us together. had a good dinner & sent her to the mrt.
i never felt such a desire to be with anyone before. i really think this is what love is. when she replies your messages late, you'll feel sad. i can't see any flaws in her. i'm trying to find something but i really can't! talking to her makes me smile like a silly retard. i'm so happy i found her. i'm also happy she's proud to show her friends off to me. more importantly, i'm really lucky to have found someone having a mutual feeling, & the possibility of that is like 1/693234862
saturday was spent having our first date! caught endless love @ jcube. saw biyu, gerald & marcus too haha. roamed around the 3 shopping malls because the movie ended quite early & she had to go off for a project @ the lib. decided to head to the lib with her and it was okayyyyyyyyyy because i didn't know peiyi and aileen that well so hahhaa.
it was a good 2 days so far!
have to complete my homework today and she's having tuition now & i can't get my itunes stuff done wtf there's something wrong!
but yay i feel like the luckiest boy on earth! :)))
x.
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