Stressed out.

Really feeling super stressful lately. Grades haven't been improving much... Really afraid that i'll lose out to others. I mean like, people who last minute study before the test can get higher than me when i studied 2 nights before the test. Like seriously, why is it so unfair? Always feeling really unfair about this.. Its like whenever i dont study for the test, i score badly. I study, also score badly. WHAT THE SHIT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Have been having a headache and blocknose since morning till now and still super tired. School was as per normal. Mr Ng gave us a really great prep talk during English and tpi just now. Really reflected on what i have been doing in class. Failed my comprehension test. Super careless. But i only have myself to blame.

"It's the last lap. Just 3 more weeks to go. Give it all your best and your efforts will be paid off. Then soon, it'll be all over..." It was the first time i saw the class really quiet. Even those super noisy ones. They were staring at the ground and hearing what Mr Ng was saying. Honestly after the talk, i felt that he was a really great teacher. Like he's a nice teacher to approach and like share our stuff to him. All his encouragement... Really woke me up. I shall ban myself from using the laptop starting from tmr (for gamings), and work really hard and revise certain topics everyday.

And then i teared during tpi when he gave us another talk. Like i finally realised how stressed i am trying to reach my targets, and reaching my parents' expectations. "Then it will be the last time you'll step out of this class as a class." The thought of me literally made me teared. Like i totally reflected everything Mr Ng said. Then after class, i went to Vera and the others. Then vera's eyes were really red. And then suddenly Zhe Ern came over to say all the things Mr Ng said. Then Vera knew i teared cause my eyes were red too. Then suddenly she cried after zhe ern said about the class leaving. Then i saw her cry and i cried too. We cried for like about 15 minutes?... Our eyes became really sore after that. Then Diana Andrea and Wen Jun were behind us listening to Mr Ng's talk. Talked about how the class is going to be separated and everything. Honestly all the tears are not for the results, but for the class. Like we have already bonded for 2 years. And suddenly a streaming comes and everyone gets separated. Some may be happy, some may be sad. But i know i will definitely miss everyone. Even people i dont like.

The class without those different cliques arent a class. The class wont be noisy without Milford and the others. No more funny jokes from Gerald & Derek. No more k-pop in the class. No more geeks and owls in the class. Peanuts too. No more smartypanties in the class. No more her. No more everyone. *sigh*

The class will be splitting into 2 tmr. The top half of the class (in terms of class pos.) and the lower half. Im obviously going to be in the lower half though. And we'll be pairing 1 top half and 1 lower half together so the top half can guide the lower half and seatings will be changed. "It's time to draw a line in between."

And also everyone had to close their eyes, and raise up their hand if they promised to give their best for the next 3 weeks. I raised up my hand. And since i made that promise, i shall keep that promise and work really really extra chop chop chicken chop pork chop lamb chop human chop dog chop kaiming chop superman batman ali baba chicken man dog man shrimp man ncc npcc pussycat lololol poopoo booboo bobo fishballs HARD. Revising works everyday, and i hope i'll be able to get into the class i want to.

Cca competition. Vera and I have thought of backing out. So we went to tell Mr Chia today. We didnt even know the deadline was on 1st Oct and we had to rush all the way so its really stressful. Mr Chia gave us a hard time. We spent like 30 mins discussing on how to open our mouth. So we discussed with Milford & Eunice before telling him if we wanted to quit. And yes, we quit-ed in the end. Mr Chia was obviously super pissed ah. But he just said "Ok, noted." And from there he didnt talk to us. So we awkward-ed for about 20 mins in the room before deciding to just walk out of the mms room. Im really sorry for backing out of the competition because i know i really cannot take the stress. Streaming concerns my future. And there are still many competitions next year to take part in. Hope you can understand Mr Chia."

So went to buy oyster mee sua to eat with vera hnin and zhe ern. Ate at the carpark since we couldnt find anywhere to eat! And yeah.

Oh well, thats about it. Hope tmr is going to be great. Gonna do math exercises soon!

tatafornow.

p/s : Thanks Andrea for consoling me just now :')

pp/s : Thanks Xin Min for telling us what to do! :D

ppp/s : (THIS IS TOO MANY Ps) Thanks Vera for being my crying buddy haha :) )